If you would of told me that I was going to get married at the court house in Phoenix I would of said you were crazy. I may not be really girly but I dreamt about my wedding day. I wanted the white dress. When Joshua and I met we knew that was it. We were meant to be, without a doubt.
Most of my good friends are married. I was the ultimate "3rd Wheel." I always asked my friends how they knew their husband's were "the one." Of course they told me, "oh you will just know." What a horrible answer!!! I wanted details. I dated many guys and never had that powerful feeling, I always had a wandering eye. This guy is great but let me just keep one eye opened incase someone better comes along. You have to keep your options opened right? I thought you would find someone who you enjoy, who is nice and liked the same things as you. Then you decide if you could marry them. They will be a good partner to spend time with. I never felt BAM! this is it. I might of wanted that with some of the guys I dated but I was more in love with the idea of being "in love." I wanted to be married and have a family so bad. Some guys I dated would be great husband's. I am not here to talk badly about them. Most of them were great! Just not for me...
The last few years have been pretty hard for me. I have had to conquer many of my demeons. I lost my job and it was really hard to find another one like it. I got spoiled because I made a good amount of money and now it was gone. I had to file for unemployment because I had rent and everything to pay for. If I look back, I wish I never did. I am still trying to crawl out of that hole. Since I was a resident of California and made a decent amount of money, it helped me with filing for unemployment. I qualified and got $450/week. How awesome is that? Plus since my fall out with mormonism and utah I moved back to arizona. Everything in Arizona is cheaper than California but I was still getting paid from California standards. I had the life, sitting on my butt doing nothing but making a good amount of money. Plus this happened when the economy went drastically down and the government kept extending my unemployment. I was only going to get it for 6 months but after extention after extention it lasted more than 2 years! During that time I told myself to get a job. Every job I got paid less or the same. Why the heck would I work 40 hours a week to get paid the same??? That is stupid. I did keep busy traveling, I went to Hawaii many times and visited friends around the country. I fly free because my mom is a flight attendent for Us Airways. Since, I had all this free time and money I did whatever I wanted. Soon I was doing nothing. Except shop and sleep....honestly. I got so lazy. Who wouldn't be with money coming every week. My intentions weren't to take advantage of the government. But I did. I was a lazy person living off the government. (cringe) I would of never guessed I would ever be like that. I was always motivated and hard working. I was working by the time I was 12. If I could make my own money I would. I loved and took pride in working hard and earning my money. All of that dissappeared though. During the time I also was having lots of health issues. I honestly think my body got sick from being unmotivated. I fell into depression also. Next thing I know I was dignoised with a heart condition (SVT) my endometroisis was getting much worse, and mentally I was not the same. Till this day I am still pulling myself out of this hole I created. Every morning I tell myself that I need to be productive today. It is hard. Since my unemployment ended I had to force myself to get a job. I had a lot of extra time to really find something I liked or go back to school. But I did not take advantage of it. To make quick money I got a job as a cocktail server. (yuck.) Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it wasn't me. God gave me talents that I needed to exercise and I was basically telling him that my way was better plus I wanted to make a quick buck. I was making great money working at a slutty bar in Scottsdale. I only last a couple months because I hated the enviorment. I felt like a piece of meat and it was disgusting. Of course that did not even teach me a lesson.
My grandpa knew I was looking for a job and he told me that there was sign by his house looking for help. We drove there together to look at it and what do you know, a new country bar was opening. I walked in and filled out an application. I thought that this place was going to be more respectable than the place in Scottsdale. (which it is, but not by much) I wanted to bartend but had no experience. I told them that and they said, that is okay we can teach you. Sweet. I soon was a bartender. I really did love working there. The people were great and money was flowing. I knew in my head that I did not want to stay their long and it was just until I found a "real" job. Well I ended up staying because the money was too good. God is right, money can be the root of evil. In no way I am saying people who work at bars are gross because they aren't. My sister even works at a bar. I wish she didn't but who am I to tell her that? I feel like a horrible example. I was. I always tried to keep my bartending lifestyle separate from my personal life. Which for the most part I did. I worked to survive and did not want to mix the two. I always said I wasn't going to find my husband at a bar. I think God found humor in me saying this. About 3 months into working at the bar guess who I met?
I was bar tending in my normal spot. I was always towards the back on the left side by the dance floor. This tall guy comes up and orders a drink. Since I love talking I said hello and we chatted a little bit. I was curious because at this bar there are many regulars. It was rare to spot someone I have never seen before. I noticed he had tattoos, lots of tattoos. I asked what they were and asked if he was Christian because all of them I saw were biblical. He told me, yes, I just moved here to Arizona because I got a job at a church. My eyes lit up. A hot, tall, christian man who works at a church! Luck me! Plus he didn't seem "Holier than Thou." He seemed pretty normal. I had a bad experience in the past dating a Christian man. This man (in the past) would always make me feel horrible about myself and made me feel like I was condemned to hell. The guy I used to date would constantly belittle me and made me feel that I didn't have a relationship with God because I forgot to read the bible that day or I didn't pray enough. He was extremely controlling. What a horrible experience I had. But this new guy I just met seemed pretty normal. We couldn't talk too long because I had customers to serve. He would come up here and there but we didn't get a chance to really talk. Ok I will admit it, I hit on him....I told him to call me sometime and I would introduce him to some people out here. I wasn't really going to do that, it was just an excuse to give him my number. He told me he would call me and we said our goodbyes. Little did I know the guy at the bar was my husband! 2 and a half months later we were hitched! ha! Life couldn't be any better. I love that man more than anything. I am so blessed to have a man who loves me for me and his foundation is the Lord. He strives everyday to be a good husband. As corney as it sounds, I love him more everyday. God had a plan and I am thankful I didn't screw it up.
God truly has a sense of humor and who of thought I would meet my husband at a bar!
(Me in Hawaii)
My grandpa knew I was looking for a job and he told me that there was sign by his house looking for help. We drove there together to look at it and what do you know, a new country bar was opening. I walked in and filled out an application. I thought that this place was going to be more respectable than the place in Scottsdale. (which it is, but not by much) I wanted to bartend but had no experience. I told them that and they said, that is okay we can teach you. Sweet. I soon was a bartender. I really did love working there. The people were great and money was flowing. I knew in my head that I did not want to stay their long and it was just until I found a "real" job. Well I ended up staying because the money was too good. God is right, money can be the root of evil. In no way I am saying people who work at bars are gross because they aren't. My sister even works at a bar. I wish she didn't but who am I to tell her that? I feel like a horrible example. I was. I always tried to keep my bartending lifestyle separate from my personal life. Which for the most part I did. I worked to survive and did not want to mix the two. I always said I wasn't going to find my husband at a bar. I think God found humor in me saying this. About 3 months into working at the bar guess who I met?
I was bar tending in my normal spot. I was always towards the back on the left side by the dance floor. This tall guy comes up and orders a drink. Since I love talking I said hello and we chatted a little bit. I was curious because at this bar there are many regulars. It was rare to spot someone I have never seen before. I noticed he had tattoos, lots of tattoos. I asked what they were and asked if he was Christian because all of them I saw were biblical. He told me, yes, I just moved here to Arizona because I got a job at a church. My eyes lit up. A hot, tall, christian man who works at a church! Luck me! Plus he didn't seem "Holier than Thou." He seemed pretty normal. I had a bad experience in the past dating a Christian man. This man (in the past) would always make me feel horrible about myself and made me feel like I was condemned to hell. The guy I used to date would constantly belittle me and made me feel that I didn't have a relationship with God because I forgot to read the bible that day or I didn't pray enough. He was extremely controlling. What a horrible experience I had. But this new guy I just met seemed pretty normal. We couldn't talk too long because I had customers to serve. He would come up here and there but we didn't get a chance to really talk. Ok I will admit it, I hit on him....I told him to call me sometime and I would introduce him to some people out here. I wasn't really going to do that, it was just an excuse to give him my number. He told me he would call me and we said our goodbyes. Little did I know the guy at the bar was my husband! 2 and a half months later we were hitched! ha! Life couldn't be any better. I love that man more than anything. I am so blessed to have a man who loves me for me and his foundation is the Lord. He strives everyday to be a good husband. As corney as it sounds, I love him more everyday. God had a plan and I am thankful I didn't screw it up.
God truly has a sense of humor and who of thought I would meet my husband at a bar!
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